GROUNDED & RESILIENT

Today I'm writing straight to the blog and not pre-writing or pre-thinking it through because I want it to be raw. Here goes.

 

Last night I was bored out of my mind with television and flipped to channels beyond my usual range and found the series North and South about the Civil War starring Patrick Swazey. I only caught the last hour and it sort of looked dated and weakly acted, but the situation captured me. The end showed these two West Point graduates who were best friends who were now realizing they were about to go to war on opposing sides, and yet they embraced and promised to see one another after the war, both knowing it might not happen. Well....I lost it. I cried and boo hooed like a baby. My husband observed all this and with his typical reaction, "What do you want me to do, what can I do to make it better?" I just freaked out and said, "You can't DO anything! There's just too much, my brain, my heart can't take it all in. I'm losing it!"

 

Lest you think I had a breakdown, let me assure you I'm calm this morning having my coffee and now writing. That always helps. But what caused such a severe emotional reaction, you might ask. It certainly was not the stellar performance in that movie. Here's the deal.

 

Event upon event has piled up in front of me for several years now. Some involve me, some don't, but I'm a witness either in real life or through media exposure. I'll fast forward past the three family deaths, Alzheimer's, breast cancer, three surgeries, estate handling, art studio construction, and quitting my job in the past two years and up to the more recent events of the past few months. A young man killing innocents at a school, bombings at the marathon, public trial of a woman who didn't just kill her boyfriend but butchered and shot him, government failings and hearings, my brother breaking his hip and now it's not healing properly, tornadoes wiping out entire towns, fear of losing our home during recent storms and two power outages in a week, and finally to attend a funeral of a lifelong friend who suffered massive strokes. And my husband wonders why I like to watch mindless shows like Jerseylicious or Celebrity Apprentice.

 

The pressures that come from repeated overexposure to stressful and worrisome events cannot be overlooked as anxiety and apprehension become some sort of test of endurance, strength and courage. I think I lost it because at some point, the pressure becomes too great to bear. Like a rubber band that has lost its resilience, I snapped and broke...at least for a while. Not everyone has that ability to regain composure and frankly, I wondered if I'd permanently gone haywire. But "tomorrow is another day" according to Scarlett O'Hara. That tomorrow is today and I'm still here, fairly sane.

 

My faith in the sovereignty of God grounds me. I don't believe he is up there moving us around like pawns in a chess game. I do believe he is aware of what we are going through and is available to assist in helping us in our momentary, or even extensive, doubts. I don't understand what is going on in this crazy world and why things can't lighten up for even a little while...and by that I mean more than the length of time of a sitcom. But this I do know. When I turned out the night light and pulled up the covers last night the last words I said while staring into the dark were something like this. "Thank you, Lord, for this day. Please help me be a good, nice person that helps others and relieves others. Heal my brother and be with all those people in Oklahoma. I love you...Good night." Simple thank you's and reminders that someone Divine watches over me in the night give me the measure of peace I need to sleep and awaken refreshed to face the next day...whatever it brings.